it's how it goes...

i've become a walking disater, with no where to go.

my mom is mad at me because i won't give decent replies to her while i'm cooking or doing something.

i tell her a lot, about life around me. but nothing ever about me.

it just kinda hit me. if this is the way my child treated me when i'm a parent, i would be devestated..

i can't see myself leading a life as a normal 'wife' or the mother figure. 

i'm young, i shouldn't be thinking about that.

i really shouldn't be.

i just had a realization of how lucky we are to be alive.
so, so lucky

it's almost inevitable that i want someone who loves me like he loves her.

sometimes your heart can break

Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets

I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after all the things we put each other through and

I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

Until the end, until this pool of blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of...

I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

But this time, we'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of every...

All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
[x4]

As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms
Forever, forever
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning
Forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun

And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever

nothing's saved me anymore.
because everyone and everything that has saved me is gone. they're still there, but they're different.
yell at me to change, whatever.
i need you to know that i'm trying my best here.
call me a bitch, do whatever.
i changed, you changed.
haven't you considered that you might be the one that's changed more than me?
all you do now is play the pathetic card in hopes of getting sympothy.
it's working, but i see beyond that now.

good day and good night.
because if this keeps up, we'll be in totally different worlds by next year.

As far as you're concerned

I don't exist.

I only start 'appearing' when you want something.

i'm

not trying anymore.

i'm going to please myself, and screw you all who want to think differently.

i just think it's time i start having a direction in my life,
and have goals.

1) MAKE ALL-STATE NEXT YEAR
2) Get in shape. Woot woot.
3) Become ssection-leader
4) Be a better daughter/friend/whatever