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What would you do if I committed suicide? What if I told you I've come close quite a few times? What would you do if I told you that I was going to commit it because of you? Then what would you do?

Would you feel guilty? Or would you simply push it off like every other thing in life?

I don't get people honestly, one day they are perfectly normal...then the next day they are a totally different person. I'm not going to name names, but I know I am one. Maybe it's just the fact I don't know why I am, so I act differently to push that fact aside. I don't know really. Maybe it's the fact that I don't want to be who I am, I want to be someone different. That's all. Really.

Hm, I don't know now. What is it that I want? What am I trying to achieve? I know that I'm trying to get by doing the best I can. I am trying to become a better photographer, I am trying to sort of become a better flutist.. but I feel like when I do this, I'm not really 'me'. Maybe it's because I'm sometimes forced, or I feel pressured to do this or that. It's noticeable, but my parents don't really notice that I'm not "feeling" the music because in reality, how can I? I don't love the flute anymore. It's more of a chore, and they think this is just a phase for me. The "depression" phase where the child won't do anything but sit around and watch TV. Yea...no. It might be a phase, but it doesn't feel like it. But, how can I complain? I'm barely doing anything to help it. Yea, I vent. Yea, I have those people I trust. Yea, I don't talk to my parents about anything "deep". 

I have a problem with people, you see.

I can barely talk to anyone, because I get annoyed easily.

I can't stand a lot of people because they are ignorant.

I can't stand myself because of how judgmental and idiotic I am.

I just can't stand anything anymore.

This proves it... I need help. Nothing is helping. Nothing at all.

I DON'T want to feel this way. 

I never want to be like this.

How did I get this way?

Was it because of you, that face in my past?

Or because of you?

Heaven... help me.