Party? Party.

Tomorrow is Jenna's birthday party. I want to go, and I am.

I think it might just be a bit awkward... and by awkward, I mean really awkward. Kevin is going to be there...and my friendship with him is really weird. We talk, then don't, talk, then don't. I don't even know if he still likes me or not, he shows nothing. But, tomorrow I shall find out. Oh, and Keegan.... oh man. I can't wait to see that. Oh, and Jamie. Oh, and Jenna. All of them really. I don't know if any of them know about that accident that happened long ago. That one accident that still looms over me. I don't know who to blame for that. I blame myself, because I don't want one else to be hurt by that...

Did you know that I don't like people to be hurt?
I would rather hurt myself than see others unhappy.
My mom says it's a good trait, but I take it to the extreme.

So I blame the whole thing on myself, although they say I shouldn't.
But he pressured me into telling him.
I shouldn't even have mentioned it. But I did.
What's wrong with me? That's the only thing I don't get know.
I'll never get that, that's all I know.

I should put this whole event behind me. I should forget the past. High school is coming up. A fresh start- new friends- new surroundings. New everything. I'm trying to start over. But, oh wait. Last time I tried that, I lost who I was. I mean, starting over. But keeping who I am. Does that make sense? I know what I mean, I just can't put it into words. It'll be exciting to see what the results are...

I need to forget it. I can't blame this mess on that now. I am me. I need to solve it myself. It's the events that led me here, but now that is way in the past. It's up to me. I'm stuck where I am, and to get out of I need help. I truly do need help.

I'm just to weak to reach out and ask for it