I'm not happy. I'm really not. my marching season ended last week, and from there it's been downhill.

i haven't been getting out much, i sit at home drawing or some other pointless activity.

nothing. nothing i can do is worth it.

and it's all my fault.

my own fault.

i have no one to blame but myself for this.

i'm going to start running. stay/get in better shape for next year's season.

this is what i get for living in my head. reliving the past, day by day.

going through the motions, and not caring what happens.

this is what i get for thinking "oh, i can't get depressed. there is NOTHING for me to get depressed about."

wrong.

oh so wrong.

there are barely any people that can make me happy.

jessica, dana and matt.

they make me happy.

jessica is my best friend. the person i can go to. dana is another friend, not so close as we met a couple of months ago.

but what can i do.

rainbows don't exist where i live.

rainy days and dark clouds that swallow me up.

no matter how much i fight.

i need to fight back.

i need to.

or

there will be no way out

never

a

way

out.

never.