i found something

Dana and i haven't talked in awhile.

i don't have anybody to call my own.

everyone is off living their own lives in a happier light, while i'm still behind gathering myself up, only to be disturbed and having to start over.

i need to learn patience.

the year is almost at an end.

i must say, this year started out nicely, turned to crap, nice, then crap. right now...it's in the middle. it's not bad, and it's not good.

matt and i don't talk anymore- he got the message that i don't like him... i just wish we still talked though, it would make me happy.

i'm at a standstill with jessica- we talk, but it all means nothing. the same with dana. i have a feeling the same thing is going to happen with her.

i wish i had someone to call my own.

i wish i wasn't so selfish.

i wish i could pay attention to one thing.

i wish i was actually talented at something.

i wish i would go and paint.

i wish i could just hurt myself.

i wish i could feel human one more time before the year ends.

i wish i could start living in the real world 24/7.

i wish for so many thing, but i do nothing to go and reach them.

i'm so horrible.

and i don't know what to do with myself in the future.

who am i?

what am i doing here?

what is it that i want?

why am i still here?

i wish i had answers for all these things, because it would make things so much easier.

but, then what would be the point in living?

don't we live life everyday looking for these answers?

i think it's true.

why else would we live everyday?

going through the same actions, and hoping for something new?

i'm off to paint. because painting makes me feel good <33