so i learned i need to move on from the past.

i've known that for a couple years now,

but i can never bring myself to do it.

because, it's the one thing that keeps pushing me to tomorrow.

i don't like the idea of 'forgetting.'

you can never forget anything,

you can only surpress the memories, and hope for the best...

i don't feel anything in my words anymore.

i don't think i've ever felt anything in them.

they don't sting when i read them,

they don't provoke any unwanted emotions.

they. don't. do. anything.

they're just vomit thrown down onto a page,

hoping that i'll get a magical surprise of emotional writing.

no.

don't believe them,

they're just lies.

i have horrible judgement on what i do.

people expect me to do what they want.

and for so long i let that slide,

and now when i do what i want, they get mad, and expect me to listen because of their array of emotions.

i'm just letting you all know that that doesn't slide anymore,

because i became selfish this past year.

that i'm more aware of what i want.

i'm aware that i do photo shoots with who i want, not who pesters me the most.

i draw what best displays my emotions,

i listen to what i want.

i talk to who listens to my worthless complaints on my hopelessness.

i do...whatever i want.

people asked me "what would you change about your past?"

honestly, i wouldn't change anything, thinking back.

because if none of that ever happened, i might not be where i am today.

i might not still be friends with jessica,

i might not be talking to saskia,

i probably wouldn't have joined marching band,

i wouldn't have met dana...

it all goes hand in hand, because changing what once happened can drastically change your future.

it's true, it's true.